I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
