I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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