I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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