So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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