Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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