My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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