Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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