im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
