ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
