Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
did i walk over a car last night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
