Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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