I want you more than these girls want KFC
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i think i just lost a toe
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
