actually, I'm a sock model
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
