Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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