The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
