Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
