You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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