he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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