I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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