maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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