careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
