I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
