i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
