You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
