You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
