i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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