the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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