he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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