Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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