Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
