also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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