I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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