Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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