im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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