Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
