I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
