textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
