So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
