Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
