the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
