What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
