i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
