dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
