I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
