Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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