She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
