We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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