I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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