there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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