Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
