please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
